Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Whose negligence is it anyway?

I had a great time last weekend. I took my kids skiing with their cousins. We all stayed in the same condo. Needless to say, they lied to us when they said that it sleeps 10. First mistake: not setting down the sleeping arrangements before the first one went to sleep. I ended up in the pull out couch with jawbitch and Max. You know, the one with the cruel bar that sticks in your back? I had to use a couch cushion for a pillow, so my face looked like it had been pock-marked since the sixties when I got up. Max kicked me in the head all night long.

Coming home, we gave Bluto and his wife a ride back to Jawbitch's brother's house, so they could pick up their vehicle. But we stopped for dinner, but Jawbitch's brother beat us home, so we arrived at twilight. After unloading Bluto's stuff, I went in the house to make sure everything was ok. I left, got in the van, and backed out into the cul-de-sac. Jawbitch promptly yells that she's hearing a crunching noise, which I disregard, thinking it's ice.

A couple of days later, the following email exchanges ensue:

Bluto: Ok so who drove over my suitcase on Sunday?
G-man: I did. Sorry, my bad, didn't know you left it in the dark behind my van, where the back-up radar couldn't alert me.
Bluto: I put it on the side of your car, that is why your backup radar did not pick it up! You were the one who handed it to me, don’t you remember you loser! My mother (hereinafter referred to as "dust witch") is going to kick your ass; bad, she just got it as part of a set for us for Christmas THIS year. What is your home email I want to send you something and I don’t think I can send it to your job email.
G-man: What can I say? I'm getting old and forgetful.
Bluto: You suck!!! Now you know I am going to have to buy a new one because the next time I go away with my mother to my sisters house and I don’t use it, she is going to be like “where is the suitcase that I got you for Christmas?” and I am going to be like “UH G-man ran it over with the car?” then she is going to come to your house and throw a whole cake at you and not just a piece

Thanks, And Have A Great Day

Bluto

G-man: I thought when I gave it to you that you put it in your truck, as I went inside Jawbitch brother's house. I didn't see it when I came back out. You left it there, not me.
Bluto:

You still suck

Thanks, And Have A Great Day

Bluto

G-man: That sentence matches nicely with your auto-generated signature.
Bluto: Ok how about have a nice day and you still suck anyway.

Next, we get the respective wives involved.

Jawbitch: Just go buy a new one and send ME the bill. That way dust witch is cool and you have an intact suit case to go on the cruise.
G-man: What, is this about money? Please, let me make it up to you. Can I buy you dinner, or put you up for a night on a ski vacation, or maybe give you a ride home?
Bluto: I told Jawbitch I did not want money I just wanted to keep busting your chops on your bad driving skills, and I offered to help pay for the room last weekend but your beautiful and very giving wife said she did not want money (I even asked twice). I planned on giving a 3rd of it to Jawbitch's brother until I found out that your generous wife paid for the room. I also offer you money for dinner Sunday night, but you said and I quote “don’t worry about it” your honor the defense rests. MULE BAG
Bluto's wife (hereinafter referred to as Olive): Okay everyone thinks for making me laugh today. I needed it.
Bluto: Do we amuse you? Is something funny? Well then the price for the entertainment is one suitcase.

Thanks, And Have A Great Day

Bluto

So, tell me, given the testimony, who is the negligent parties, and what percentages do you attribute to each?