Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Bluto goes to McDonald's

Bluto and his wife come over to watch movies with us Saturday night. They just opened a Green Cactus down on Deer Park Ave. near the house, so we decide to take out. Since Gram (jawbitch's mom) brought our niece dd over, we also decide to get the three kids happy meals. As Bluto is driving up to McD's drive thru, he informs me that he hasn't been there in over 12 years. Realizing the opportunity for humor (bearing in mind that Bluto has no children), I decide to let him do the ordering. I tell him to get two hamburger happy meals for Mac and dd, and one chicken nugget for gg, and then clam up. We pull up to the menu board, and he opens the window. The screen is clear. rrrrrr:

worker's voice in speaker: may I help you?
Bluto: Yeah, lemme get two happy meals ...
wkr: What kind of happy meals?
Bluto: and some chicken selects.

1 order of chicken selects appears on the screen

wkr: ok, anything else?
Bluto: No, that'snot right. I said two Regular happy meals and a third one with chicken.
G-man, biting tongue, leaning against the glass: chicken nuggets, not chicken selects.
wkr: ok, what kind of happy meals?
Bluto: NO, take that shit off the screen and start over. Give me two happy meals.
wkr: ok, what kind of happy meals would you like?
Bluto: REGULAR happy meals, ok?
G-man, noticing a line of cars forming behind us, barely able to breathe: hambur--
Bluto: I want REGULAR HAPPY MEALS, ok?
wkr: yeah, but what kind?
G-man, asphyxiating: she wants to kno--
Bluto: Look, clear that stuff off the screen and put up two REGULAR happy meals.
wkr: yes, but what kind of happy meals do you want?
Bluto: Listen, stay there, right there at the window. I'm going to drive around, because I want to see you so you know what I want.
wkr: yes but
fades as a lone horn blows. Faint smoke emits from the right rear wheel as we round the corner to the window.

As we pull up, the girl with the headset, runs away, laughing.

Bluto: what is wrong with you? I need two regular, hamburger, happy meals, and a third with chicken nuggets.
other girl w/o headset: and what to drink?
G-man, recovering: two chocolate milkshakes and a milk.
Bluto: yeah, and give me a large club soda.
other girl: that's two hamburger happy meals, a chicken nugget happy meal, two chocolate milkshakes, a milk, and what size club soda?
Bluto, exasperated: LARGE, can't you figure this shit out, I want the LARGE. Show me see the fuckin cup.
other girl: That will be $10.89. What toys?
G-man, handing over a Jackson and a $1 bill: two my little ponies, and a dealmaster.
other girl, handing us the order: ok, thank you.
Bluto: Yo, he gave you $21, where's the change? You look old enough for college, can't you count? You better hand over the money or you're gonna get the dragon.
other girl, counting change: I haven't even finished high school yet.
G-man, observing a 15 car line behind us: what's the dragon?