Thursday, April 14, 2005

How To Train Senior Associates

DA, a senior associate, and I have been slaving on a Markman brief for weeks. DA decides to give me a lesson from the brief:

DA: It's not See [Ex. 1, Col. 1, ll. 41-55] it's [See Ex. 1, Col. 1, ll. 41-55.]

G-man: Ok, I wasn't sure how you used your strange, non-bluebook citation format utilizing the square braces.

DA: Understood. Some formats that are in the blue book are:
1. See also (not See also)
2. See, e.g., (not See, e.g.,)
3. See id. (not See Id.)

G-man: 1. & 2. You are correct, all those signals should be u/l fully. My bad.
3. Nope. See is the signal. Id. is a short form citation. There must always be a whitespace between the signal and the cite. Your bad.

DA: Whatever. When did you graduate from law school, that you know that stupid rule from the 17th edition.

G-man: Lol, you hate being wrong, don't you? I laugh at myself whenever I'm wrong, and thus, I encourage you to point it out to me every time. Law Review 1999-2000; Research Editor 2000-2001.

DA: Oh, yeah. 1995-1996, editor and 1996-1997 Leads Article Editor. I didn't want you to think that I wrote on. I, of course, graded on.

G-man: We didn't have slacker wayz to get on like "grading on." Then again, if we did, I would have used it, considering I graduated magna cum laude.

DA: Slacker ways my ass. Do you know how many beers I had to drink to get through law school! And I turned down the position as Editor and Chief because it would have cut into my drinking time, which necessarily explains why I didn't graduate magna cum laude--only 13 in my class. Geek.

G-man: Perhaps, by your choice of style, I should say see magna cum laude, cf. cum laude. And if we're talking about drinking beers, don't forget that you're talking to a sailor who loves to drink. Maybe you should have gone to a bigger school.

DA: I'm a busy, busy person. That's what you're for.

G-man: You win.

DA: lol. So, is it your contention that you drank your way through law school? I mean, when were you a sailor, like probably, a million years ago. Because I drank so much in law school that for some of my mid-terms and finals, I couldn't look down to write because it made me nauseous. I did the same thing for the NY Bar, during which I also took Mass., and passed into 4 other states because my score was so high.

G-man: I think you know my story. My MBE score was so high that I didn't even have to answer any essays, but my essay for the July 2001 Bar was choosen as the model answer to the contracts question. Although I was not drinking at the time, I could not waive in to even the D.C. Bar, because of my barely passing grade on the MPRE.

DA: You win. ; )