Wednesday, April 06, 2005

We all Want Good Times

Last Saturday night, I went with my family to a first birthday party for a friend's child. It was kind of weird, but the party was held at a catering hall, and was scheduled from 6:30 p.m. to 10:30 p.m. There was about 150 people there, complete with DJ, open bar, etc. As were sitting at table of ten, Bluto, who is about five years younger, two inches taller, and 200 pounds heavier than me, starts cracking up:

Bluto: Yo, see that girl sitting across from us in the yellow jacket?
G-man: You mean the one with the kid sitting on her lap, with the sort-of angelic looking face and hair in a pony tail?
Bluto, snickering: Yeah, she's Joe's wife. I can't look at her without busting up.
G-man: Why?
Bluto, after a long pause where he's fighting off laughter: Well, about ten years ago, back in the day when we would go bar hopping, Joe picks her up and takes her home. The next day, we asked him how things went. He says that she fucked the hell out of him.
G-man: Yeah, so why are you laughing?
Bluto, shaking the table he's laughing so hard: Well, Joe tells us that, on that night, she was the first girl to lick his asshole. Now, that's the only thing I can think of whenever I see her.
G-man: What, that she's a buttlicker, ...
Bluto, barely breathing: yeah. Boolja!
G-man: that she tossed his salad?
Bluto: Yeah. And later he told me that's why he married her.
G-man: And that was over ten years ago, but the only thing you can think about now?
Bluto, barely breathing: YEAH!
G-man: Well, maybe you should have held out for someone like that. Maybe that's what some people would call "true love." That kinda reminds me of that joke about an old married Jewish couple, Saul and Sadie, who love each other very much. Every year on their anniversary, Sadie asks Saul what he wants, and Saul tells Sadie that he loves her very much, and begs her to, you know, give him a blow job. Every year she professes her love for him, and says she'd do anything for him, but she won't do that. She turns him down, for like, forty years in a row. Their whole life goes on like this until finally, Saul is in the hospital, on his death bed. Sadie, distraught with grief, asks Saul if there is anything at all that she can do for him. He figures he's got nothing to lose, so he asks her one last time to suck his dick. Well, she finally gives in and does the deed, and then walks into the bathroom to spit and rinse. Next, the phone rings, and Saul yells, "HEY COCKSUCKER, CAN YOU GET THAT?"