Every Word You Say
On my way back from Sears, I called my insurance company. I figured that since I had both a homeowner's policy AND a flood policy, I should be covered:
Rep: How can I help you?
G-man: Have you seen the news? It's been raining for the last week. 11 inches in three days. I have 2-1/2 feet of water in my crawlspace. I'd like to make a claim.
Rep: Are you on a cell phone in your car?
G-man: Yes.
Rep: Well, you'll have to call back, that's a liability, talking on the cell phone in the car.
G-man: You have to be fucking kidding me.
Rep: No sir, states have laws against operating a vehicle and a cell phone.
G-man: Before you start getting all righteous on me, do you have a camera in my vehicle?
Rep: No.
G-man: Then I'll have you know that in New York, the law permits such operation with a hands-free apparatus, so let's continue with my claim. What should I do?
Rep, after a brief pause: Ok, well, you have to remove the water from your basement.
G-man: That's why I called. Do you have people who'll come over and do that?
Rep: No, you can hire someone. Just look up dewatering services in the phone book. Save all the receipts.
G-man: And you'll pay for the service?
Rep: Well, I can't say that's covered, but you have to mitigate the damage, so you must remove the water.
G-man: Listen, either it's covered, or it isn't. If you can't tell me which, then the extra damage is on you, fella, because I got a policy, and you got an obligation. Are you denying that I have coverage?
Rep: No, no, not at all. I'm not denying that you have a policy, it's just ... I'm not qualified to handle flood claims.
G-man: Then why are you wasting my time? Put someone on the line that can do the job. Worthless [fuck].
Rep: We'll be sending an adjuster to your house Monday or Tuesday to survey. Did you notice any leaks from the ceiling?
G-man: No, I didn't look for any leaks from the ceiling. Besides, if an adjuster is coming, he can look for leaks from the ceiling. But I'll have you know, I have a homeowner's policy too, so don't play the figure out which exclusion applies game with me.
Rep: Is there anything else that I can help you with?
G-man: No, if you can't help me get rid of the water, then you can't help me.
Rep: Well, you have a nice day.
Rep: How can I help you?
G-man: Have you seen the news? It's been raining for the last week. 11 inches in three days. I have 2-1/2 feet of water in my crawlspace. I'd like to make a claim.
Rep: Are you on a cell phone in your car?
G-man: Yes.
Rep: Well, you'll have to call back, that's a liability, talking on the cell phone in the car.
G-man: You have to be fucking kidding me.
Rep: No sir, states have laws against operating a vehicle and a cell phone.
G-man: Before you start getting all righteous on me, do you have a camera in my vehicle?
Rep: No.
G-man: Then I'll have you know that in New York, the law permits such operation with a hands-free apparatus, so let's continue with my claim. What should I do?
Rep, after a brief pause: Ok, well, you have to remove the water from your basement.
G-man: That's why I called. Do you have people who'll come over and do that?
Rep: No, you can hire someone. Just look up dewatering services in the phone book. Save all the receipts.
G-man: And you'll pay for the service?
Rep: Well, I can't say that's covered, but you have to mitigate the damage, so you must remove the water.
G-man: Listen, either it's covered, or it isn't. If you can't tell me which, then the extra damage is on you, fella, because I got a policy, and you got an obligation. Are you denying that I have coverage?
Rep: No, no, not at all. I'm not denying that you have a policy, it's just ... I'm not qualified to handle flood claims.
G-man: Then why are you wasting my time? Put someone on the line that can do the job. Worthless [fuck].
Rep: We'll be sending an adjuster to your house Monday or Tuesday to survey. Did you notice any leaks from the ceiling?
G-man: No, I didn't look for any leaks from the ceiling. Besides, if an adjuster is coming, he can look for leaks from the ceiling. But I'll have you know, I have a homeowner's policy too, so don't play the figure out which exclusion applies game with me.
Rep: Is there anything else that I can help you with?
G-man: No, if you can't help me get rid of the water, then you can't help me.
Rep: Well, you have a nice day.
posted by G-man at 8:53 AM
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