Associate Bickering

I recently sent out an updated Outlook appointment reminder notifying the attendees of the conference room I booked. The last time we had a telephone conference, our partner kept us for two hours afterwards discussing opinions, so I tacked on two extra hours:

From: Associate 1
Sent: Thursday, September 07,:43 AM
To: G-man
Subject: Do you think we will need 3 hours for the conference?
_____________________________________________
From: G-man
Sent: Thursday, September 07,:03 AM
To: Associate 1
Cc: Partner; Associate 2
Subject: RE: Do you think we will need 3 hours for the conference?
No, but I reserved the conference room for three hours just in case we wanted to talk about what we learn after we hang up with the client.
_____________________________________________
From: Associate 2
Sent: Thursday, September 07,:05 AM
To: G-man
Subject: RE: Do you think we will need 3 hours for the conference?
Did you order dinner and cots?
_____________________________________________
From: G-man
Sent: Thursday, September 07,:06 AM
To: Associate 2
Cc: Associate 1
Subject: RE: Do you think we will need 3 hours for the conference?
No, but I'll save some food from the attorney lunch today if you want.
_____________________________________________
From: Associate 2
Sent: Thursday, September 07,:07 AM
To: G-man
Cc: Associate 1
Subject: RE: Do you think we will need 3 hours for the conference?
Probably just the yellow rice will be left over.
_____________________________________________
From: G-man
Sent: Thursday, September 07,:06 AM
To: Associate 2
Cc: Associate 1
Subject: RE: Do you think we will need 3 hours for the conference?
Well, I got some chop stix 4 u in my desk drawer, so u don't have to eat it with your hands.

If I Had More Time, My Briefs Would Be Shorter

From: Co-Counsel
Sent: Monday, September 04, 2006 5:10 PM
To: G-Man
Subject: FW: Reply Claim Construction Brief

G-Man:

Plaintiff's reply brief. See page 29 regarding reply regarding claim X. Let me know if you have text to include in a sur-reply brief - due this Friday.

From: G-Man
Sent: Tuesday, September 05, 2006 1:21 PM
To: Co-Counsel
Subject: RE: Reply Claim Construction Brief

Thanks, Dude. We'll send something to you later this week.

From: Co-Counsel
Sent: Tuesday, September 05, 2006 1:23 PM
To: G-Man
Subject: RE: Reply Claim Construction Brief

Can you limit to a page or less? We need to ask leave of court and need to know the page count. thanks, Dude

From: G-Man
Sent: Tuesday, September 05, 2006 1:24 PM
To: Co-Counsel
Subject: RE: Reply Claim Construction Brief

That's probably not a problem, since Plaintiff never really addressed our issue.

From: Co-Counsel
Sent: Tuesday, September 05, 2006 1:26 PM
To: G-Man
Subject: RE: Reply Claim Construction Brief

He did not address some of ours either - in some cases he flat out did not understand the issue, or punted, if he did not have a good answer.

From: G-Man
Sent: Friday, September 08, 2006 8:29 AM
To: Co-Counsel
Subject: RE: Reply Claim Construction Brief

Should have a draft to you this morning -- it's definitely less than a page.

From: Co-Counsel
Sent: Friday, September 08, 2006 8:44 AM
To: G-Man
Subject: RE: Reply Claim Construction Brief

There is concern regarding the page limits, and we are ensuring that our total length is less than Plaintiff's length, which was 3 pages. Hence, can you distill it down to a paragraph? - e.g., simply rebutting Plaintiff point?

From: G-Man
Sent: Friday, September 08, 2006 9:52 AM
To: Co-Counsel
Subject: RE: Reply Claim Construction Brief

Attached is our paragraph for the sur-reply. It's cut down to the bone. Please don't screw with it any further, you're really cramping our style.

From:Co-Counsel
Sent: Friday, September 08, 2006 10:07 AM
To: G-Man
Subject: FW: Reply Claim Construction Brief

Are the suggested edits acceptable?

From: G-Man
Sent: Friday, September 08, 2006 10:18 AM
To: Co-Counsel
Subject: RE: Reply Claim Construction Brief

You don't listen very well, do you? Although I know some people dislike beginning a sentence with a conjunction, I would like to retain the "And" in the last sentence because it firmly couples the two bases of our argument. The other edits are fine.

From: Co-Counsel
Sent: Friday, September 08, 2006 10:19 AM
To: G-Man
Subject: RE: Reply Claim Construction Brief

Thanks. The Grammar Police have your name, though.

From: G-Man
Sent: Friday, September 08, 2006 10:25 AM
To: Co-Counsel
Subject: RE: Reply Claim Construction Brief

In my defense, I cite Bryan Garner's (the editor of Black's Law Dictionary) The Redbook, A Manual On Legal Style, at section 10.47(a), which states, "Start of sentence. Although this device should not be overdone, the occasional use of a coordinating conjunction to begin a sentence is an effective rhetorical device [as additional support for a proposition (and)]." (Emphasis in original). Let them handcuff me and violate my free speech rights.

From: Co-Counsel
Sent: Friday, September 08, 2006 10:19 AM
To: G-Man
Subject: RE: Reply Claim Construction Brief

Okay - they will let you off with a warning....

You've Come a Long Way Baby

That's Why You Work In The BUFF-ETTE

SteppinBro, AuntK, Jawbitch and I took the kids down to Hershey park last weekend. The hotel guy raved about a steakhouse near the hotel, called Hoss's. The menu was posted at the front queue when you walked in. The hostess lady at the front asked us what we wanted. Little did they know they had some hungry New Yorkers on their hands.

Jawbitch: So how's this work?
Hostess Lady: You tell me what you want, I put in your order, and then I'll seat you. Haven't you ever been to a Hoss's?
G-man: No, and I don't frequent Penciltucky either.
Jawbitch: I don't know what I want yet, and we're waiting for five others who'll be here in a few minutes.

G-Man, places the order for the kids. SteppinBro, AuntK and the rest of the crew arrive and place theirs, then Jawbitch finally decides. At the self-service salad bar, the attendant gets in SteppinBro's way, and won't move.

SteppinBro: Yo, what is that? Can get in there and get some salsa for my chips?
Attendant: You can just wait and read the sign, that's what that is.
SteppinBro: You better chill out and move. There's no need for you to be so nasty.
Attendant: I wasn't being nasty.
SteppinBro: You're probably too stupid to tell you were nasty. But that's why you work in the buff-ette.