Breakfast with Little Mac
Max: Daddy, you used to drink a whole gallon of milk everyday?
G-man: Yeah, but I was somewhat older than you when I did that.
Max: I'm going to drink the rest of this milk.
G-man: Eat your cereal first.
Max: Daddy, where does milk come from?
G-man, casting a serious gaze straight in his eye: Are you sure you really want to know?
Max, somewhat squeamishly: Yes.
G-man, waves hand in air with fingers pointing down: Well, on every cow is a large pink udder that hangs down like a bag from its belly. A number of teats stick out that look like fingers. When you grab the teats and pull, milk squirts out.
Max, laughing, makes a pulling motion.
G-man, pouring a cup of joe: Nowadays, they have machines that do all the milking. The milk gets heated up to kill all the bacteria, called pasturizing, and then mixed up at high speed, called homogenizing. Then it's sealed in a container and shipped to the store where Jawbitch bought it.
Max, slurping the bowl: And what about coffee?
G-man, dramatically: I always wonder which cow the milk I just drank came from. Maybe an Oklahoma cow, you never really know, except you know it had to come from some cows somewhere. But to answer your question, high in the hills of Colombia, South America, coffee beans are plucked from plants. But in 'Nam, there's a special kind of coffee, called fox dung coffee, where little men follow a small animal around all day that they call a fox. It's not really a fox, its almost like a cat that only picks the choicest coffee fruits from the plant. After the fox's gut strips the beans from the fruit, which pass through its digestive tract unprocessed, the little men pick up beans that the fox excretes. They wash off the beans, roast them, and grind them up to make the most exotic coffee in the world.
Max, chugging the remains from the container: I think I'll stick with the milk.