Monday, February 28, 2005

Coup de Grace

I don't place work-related info in my blog, and certainly nothing on any of my clients. I caught this news when I was in Atlanta this week. It is sooo satisfying. We may come to see that the prosecuting attorneys were getting the wool pulled over their eyes by the patent owners. Who knows, maybe the attorneys had something to do with tricking the PTO too, but the court hasn't yet decided whether inequitable conduct was also a reason to invalidate the patent?

> Jury Invalidates eSpeed Patent In Bond-Market Suit
> IP Law Bulletin (Tuesday, February 22, 2005)
> In a blow to bond dealer Cantor Fitzgerald, a Delaware jury has found
> that eSpeed Inc.'s patent on electronic bond-trading technology is
> invalid.


> "The jury has found that eSpeed's patent is invalid and we look
> forward to the judge's decision on whether the patent was acquired by
> inequitable conduct," said Michael Spencer, Group CEO of ICAP
> commented.
> The defendants claim that eSpeed was already using its electronic
> trading system commercially before it obtained its patent, and
> allegedly hid that fact from the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office.

Let's see if that one gets proved up!

> eSpeed denies any impropriety in connection with the older trading
> system, and says its source code and many of the people who knew about
> it may have been lost in the Sept. 11, 2001 terrorist attacks on the
> World Trade Center.

Lutnick's despicable. He already dealt that poor-me card when he cried on 60 Minutes.

> BrokerTec and eSpeed facilitate the trading of many kinds of bonds and
> are among the largest wholesale traders of U.S. Treasuries, a $3.3
> trillion market according to The Bond Market Association, a trade
> group.
> The court also noted that "if proven BrokerTec's claim of inequitable
> conduct would invalidate the entire patent."

One can only hope....

Saturday, February 26, 2005

Great restaurants in Atlanta

I just got back from Atlanta again this week. There are some good restaurants there. The first night, we caught some awesome sushi at Bluepointe. The next night, we scarfed down a couple filets at Bones. The last evening, we had some really good Thai food at Nan. Do you have any recommendations for the next time I go ther? How about Chicago?

Friday, February 25, 2005

Care for a wedding?

Why don't you take a trip to David's blog? He has innumerable advertisements concerning nonsensical wedding ads. Can you figure it out? If you can, please explain before my plane lands back in New York from my latest set of depos in Atlanta.

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Bluto goes to McDonald's

Bluto and his wife come over to watch movies with us Saturday night. They just opened a Green Cactus down on Deer Park Ave. near the house, so we decide to take out. Since Gram (jawbitch's mom) brought our niece dd over, we also decide to get the three kids happy meals. As Bluto is driving up to McD's drive thru, he informs me that he hasn't been there in over 12 years. Realizing the opportunity for humor (bearing in mind that Bluto has no children), I decide to let him do the ordering. I tell him to get two hamburger happy meals for Mac and dd, and one chicken nugget for gg, and then clam up. We pull up to the menu board, and he opens the window. The screen is clear. rrrrrr:

worker's voice in speaker: may I help you?
Bluto: Yeah, lemme get two happy meals ...
wkr: What kind of happy meals?
Bluto: and some chicken selects.

1 order of chicken selects appears on the screen

wkr: ok, anything else?
Bluto: No, that'snot right. I said two Regular happy meals and a third one with chicken.
G-man, biting tongue, leaning against the glass: chicken nuggets, not chicken selects.
wkr: ok, what kind of happy meals?
Bluto: NO, take that shit off the screen and start over. Give me two happy meals.
wkr: ok, what kind of happy meals would you like?
Bluto: REGULAR happy meals, ok?
G-man, noticing a line of cars forming behind us, barely able to breathe: hambur--
Bluto: I want REGULAR HAPPY MEALS, ok?
wkr: yeah, but what kind?
G-man, asphyxiating: she wants to kno--
Bluto: Look, clear that stuff off the screen and put up two REGULAR happy meals.
wkr: yes, but what kind of happy meals do you want?
Bluto: Listen, stay there, right there at the window. I'm going to drive around, because I want to see you so you know what I want.
wkr: yes but
fades as a lone horn blows. Faint smoke emits from the right rear wheel as we round the corner to the window.

As we pull up, the girl with the headset, runs away, laughing.

Bluto: what is wrong with you? I need two regular, hamburger, happy meals, and a third with chicken nuggets.
other girl w/o headset: and what to drink?
G-man, recovering: two chocolate milkshakes and a milk.
Bluto: yeah, and give me a large club soda.
other girl: that's two hamburger happy meals, a chicken nugget happy meal, two chocolate milkshakes, a milk, and what size club soda?
Bluto, exasperated: LARGE, can't you figure this shit out, I want the LARGE. Show me see the fuckin cup.
other girl: That will be $10.89. What toys?
G-man, handing over a Jackson and a $1 bill: two my little ponies, and a dealmaster.
other girl, handing us the order: ok, thank you.
Bluto: Yo, he gave you $21, where's the change? You look old enough for college, can't you count? You better hand over the money or you're gonna get the dragon.
other girl, counting change: I haven't even finished high school yet.
G-man, observing a 15 car line behind us: what's the dragon?

Monday, February 21, 2005

The Library

I took gg to the library the other day. As I remember the library, when you wanted to find a book, you looked in a card catalog. Somehow, she finds this: catalog.

Saturday, February 19, 2005

Attorney humor

Recently I had a discovery discussion with a fellow associate (fa)

fa: Has anyone at at our opponent's deposition explained why their User Guide is designated AEO?
G-man: No, but I can hazard a guess: they only give it out to their users, who have probably signed a licensing and confidentiality agreement, not to the general public.
fa: That should be "confidential" then, not AEO.
G-man: I'm not 100% familiar with all the designations and what they should be in attorney land. The only ones I know are Confidential, Secret, Top Secret, and some shit I can't tell you, because I signed papers stating that I forgot.

Friday, February 18, 2005

The whole link she-bang poem

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Pop-up Stopper IRL

I came home the other day, and my bathroom sink wasn't draining. I found that the plunger, sometimes a.k.a., but not to be confused with the Internet version of
pop up stopper
, was recessed in the valve seat, but the actuator would not move it.

Prying it out of the hole, I find that the plastic stem was broken off. Nobody wanted to fess up how this happened. We're in the middle of renovating our other bathroom, so needless to say, I was a little upset. The kids promptly blamed it on Grandma, stating that she was trying to get some gunck and hair out. She denies it, but I found a hanger with a hairball in the trash, and telltale scratch marks on the stainless steel, mirror-finish of the Kohler cover. If you look really close at the white paper, you can see the reflection of the scratches on it.

At the second hardware store, the guy tells me that my sink is old, and I need the entire assembly ($20) rather than the stopper ($5). We replaced the sink less than four years ago when we moved into the house, so you know he's full of shit. I guess I didn't have the latest 2005 model (or is it now the 2006 model year for sinks?). After a trip to third hardware store, I find a suitable replacement.

Monday, February 14, 2005

Happy Valetine's Day/Puerto Rican Cookie Monster

Sunday I had to go to a baby shower for jawbitch's cousin. I didn't really want to go, because her aunt (the prospective grandmother) invited 70+ people in to her 4 bedroom house. However, it was good to see all those folks I haven't seen in a couple of years. Plus, her family is boisterous, loud, and just down right fun.

Later in the afternoon, as the gift unwrapping ceremony commenced, us mens assembled in the den, a half-floor below the festivities to which we weren't prone to partake. I brought a huge plate of chocolate chip cookies in from the kitchen that one of the neighbor's baked. As we were happily munching away, she came in and picked the plate up. I grabbed it too, and the tug-o-war ensued:

G-man: you can't take that plate, we're eating those cookies!
Neighbor: Yes I can, I made them.
G-man: Yeah, for us to eat, so let go.
Neighbor: No, I just want the plate. I'll bring them back, I promise.
G-man: Ok, but make it snappy.

True to her word, she brought them back on a fresh plate, sans half-a-dozen on the pile. But there was still plenty, so I let her slide.

After 15 minutes of good conversation, a subject of what will probably be many future posts entered the room. To protect his identity, I shall call him Bluto, but should any of my family members read this, they will know who he by his extra large size. I love him like a brother (and not like bacon). He, needless to say, has a weight problem, which he has been struggling with for years.

Anyways, enter Bluto.

Bluto, in a deep, basso voice: Yo ... what's going on here?
G-man, spying the last cookie left on the plate, and realizing the object of Bluto's attention, lunges toward the plate, deftly swiping up the large baked confectionary: It's a chocolate chip cookie!
Bluto, maneuvering around the couch, quickly as a large man can swing, presses G-man down into the cushions: Give me dat!
G-man, face down in the cushions, wriggles the large confectionary up in between his lips, stuffing furiously in an attempt to jam in the entire cookie: Mrrupppff mmmgggllgigi.
Bluto, slamming his fist down into G-man's thigh: Awwoo, that was foul!
Jawbitch: What! Are you guys like five years old?

Well, after the laughter died down, and I finally swallowed, I didn't realize it, but I had injured myself. Blood poured from the corner of my mouth. It's healing now, just like the bruise on my thigh.

Happy Valentine's Day, Jawbitch!

Sunday, February 13, 2005

Little Churchills

Express Disclaimer: The links to other content provided anywhere in this blog are nowhere close to the actual political views, beliefs, or socialeconomic or sexual practices of the blogger. I merely provide them to stimulate thoughts and provoke discussion. If you want to know what I think or do, just read what I write, or if you still don't get it, or want something further, just ask me.

I just heard about this controversy Friday during a CLE lecture. Apparently, there's this professor at the University of Colorado, Ward Churchill, who many think should be fired for his insensitive and offensive comments about the victims of the World Trade Center. Now, I'm somewhat to the right of center when it comes to most matters, but when you're talking about censorship, freedom of speech, and other things pertaining to the First Amendment, I'm way left. No way should they fire him for what he said, tenure or not. I'm often kept in the dark and fed bullshit, but there was a lot of activity concerning this guy. But I'd really wonder how he would feel if one of the victims was a close relative of his?

I believe the best way to fight offensive speech is with more speech, period. I'm curious what others think, and if you got a link to something good, please post it with your comments.

Saturday, February 12, 2005

They were inseparable

IA's 2/11 post reminds me of that Steven Wright story where his girlfriend convinces him to stick a string of beads up his ass. Somehow, despite his protest that it wouldn't be any good, he does it. Then next thing ya know, he's in the hospital and says, "wouldn't ya know, when the doctor pulled that string out, I came like a wildcat!"

Sorry, THB, but I gotta tell this story. Once when jawbitch was a resident at Queens Hospital Center, she had a similar experience. Two guys showed up to the ER, the first wearing a large raincoat, the second kinda hunched over, following closely behind. After they get them into the examination room, it turns out that guy #2 got his hand stuck in guy #1's rectum. What were they doing? The Internet now provides an answer to such questions,
just click the FAQ (seventh link down) here.
She never told me how they got them separated.

Thursday, February 10, 2005

Happy birthday Max!

I love you like bacon too.

Gauging from nita's response to my last post, I've updated it to add some helpful hyperlinx.

Sorry for the shorty, I'M BUSY.

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Dwelling in G-man's World

They tell me I'm a pretty sharp guy. I've never failed a test, I've usually done well. Sometimes really too well (like the time I exceeded mean of the third semester Electricity and Magnetism Physics Test by more than 4 sigma, or drafted the second model answer to the Contracts question on the July 2001 NY state Bar Exam.

But there are some things in this world that really baffle me! Perhaps you would help me out, by explaining in scientific/legal/or other logical terms, your understanding of these questions?

A Baker's Dozen Mysteries of the Universe that G-man can't Understand:

1. How does CORBA/OODBMS ever speed up anything transactional?

2. Why do some states still have a death penalty when it costs the government far less to keep a convicted criminal in jail until he dies (thus maximizing his punishment, in my opinion)?

3. Why shouldn't the DP be considered queer, in the gay sort of way -- kinda like boy scouts rubbing two sticks together to start a fire, right?

4. When you lose something you need, like your car keys, why do you always find it in the last place?

5. Notwithstanding the fact that I'd eat it either way, how come a dropped half of a peanut butter sandwich never lands bread side down?

6. Why do they give you a camera in San Andreas, when you might not have a way to D/L the pictures?

7. What are al-Qaida's true political goals, and how does playing hide-and-seek like a bunch of pussies and blowing up innocent people help them achieve these goals?

8. And further, has there ever been any terrorists that weren't young, male, islamic extremists, excluding of course the older, pussified, so-called masterminds that play global hide-and-seek?

9. And still further, if the young men are united in their political goals with the old girlie men, why don't the old men become suicide bombers so that their ideology doesn't die of old age?

10. Likewise, why don't we draft old men for our armed forces, and leave the young men home to procreate and further other aims of homeland security?

11. Why would anyone ever want to sign their email with a geek code block? If you do so sign, please tell me why.

12. Why is it against the law to drive over 55 m.p.h. on the Ocean Parkway?

13. Why there is a pedestrian crossing on 34th street between 6th and 7th Avenues?

Sunday, February 06, 2005

Jawbitch is Back

but her luggage is still in Frankfurt. At breakfast, we heard:

Max: I love you, mommy. I love you like bacon.
Gg: I wrote a two page story for you mommy:

scanpage 1 and
scan0001page 2

Saturday, February 05, 2005

Darn-it, I'd Rather Be Dumpster Diving

Max went to one of his second birthday parties today at the Wood Kingdom. Gg and I dropped him off and grabbed dinner at the diner. When we got back, Max was wearing only one sock.

G-man: Mac, what happened to your sock?
Max: It's fine, see?
G-man: No, what about the other one?
Max: It's in the ballpit.
Woodkingdom carney: Everybody come have cake and ice cream.
Gg: well, at least it's not as bad as diving a dumpster.
G-man, grimacing as the ball pit clears: I wonder if I'll find it.

The only thing I can think of that ranks as bad is eating Ethopian food with a bunch of people. Needless to say, after locating the bottom, I found three plastic whistles, a Hulk ball, somebody's bottle of milk (which only a toxicologist should open), a bad case of Rhinovirus, copius unidentifiable detritus, and finally, the missing, dirty sock.

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

Shakin the Spaminator

Jawbitch is skiing the alps this week. G-man's in Atlanta taking a triple depo. Who got the raw end of that deal?

Last night, the court reporter emailed a raw copy of the transcript, which never arrived:

IT-helpdesk: Can I help you?
G-man: yes, I was expecting an email last night with an important document that I needed to do my job, and it appears that it was sent to me, but the spam filter removed it.
IT-helpdesk: Well, what was the email address of the sender?
G-man: it was the court reporter's email address.
IT-helpdesk: and that was?
G-man: I don't know, I think your spam filter blocked the email.
IT-helpdesk: Well, if you tell me her email address, we might be able to prevent the filter from blocking email originating from that address.
G-man: well, like I said, if I knew, I would email her and tell her to send it to my personal email, so that I could get the document and not have to have you shake your fucking spaminator to see what if anything falls out, so I can do my fucking job. Aren't you supposed to be a member of a support organization that helps me to do my job? Shouldn't you be answering my questions? Get me the fucking document so I don't lose the case for my client, we get paid, and you can continue to play with your little, senseless, automated fuckup machine, ok?

P.S. Jawbitch is a world-renown Oral & Maxillofacial Surgeon, who makes way-more money than me. Thanks for your guesses.