After the Memorial Day Bar-B-Que
After we ate dinner, then we went for ice cream. Max got a Darth Vader Pop.
The Internet is my playground
Max: Mommy, I want some of your soda.
Olive: It's diet Coke with lime.
Max: I like to swallow the cream, can I have some more?
Bluto: Cream? Max, it's not cream, it's foam.
G-man: Good, because I was getting worried.
Olive: Come on! He's only four!
Jawbitch, pointing forked fingers at Bluto and G-man: If there's problems later on in his life, I'm blaming you two.
Max: Can I have some more?
Bluto: Max, just so long as it's foam and not cream.
Bluto, sidling up to the urinal: Geez Max, you don't even have to unbutton your pants, because you have no ass.
Max, now finished, pulling his pants right up, turns toward Bluto: Wow Uncle Bluto, you have a big penis! How come it is so red?
Bluto, now completely unable to do his business due to Max's eye-level attention to his member, just stands there with stage fright: Ummm, uhhh, just go wash your hands kid.
G-man: I don't know when you are taking [the chairman], but since he is the proverbial dead end to many of the questions asked in previous depositions, I thought you might like some help. I'm willing to go along if you'd like and offer any technical assistance you might need. Please let me know.
DS: Only if you can come up with another video clip--perhaps of Congressional committee testimony?!?!
G-man: I'm sure something like that can be arranged.
DS: And I want the equivalent of the negatives!
DA: Just don't let my secretary make your traveling arrangements!
DS: Oh my...perhaps I shouldn't even ask....
DA: Let's just say that my secretary doesn't like to use the Travel Service and booked the flight and hotel herself, so we flew out and into Newark and the hotel was so bad that we checked out within an hour and had the Travel Service find us new accommodations.
Let's also just say that we left the first “hotel” in such a hurry that G-man forgot his scivies and had to go back later, and on the way to the new hotel he got shat on by a bird! Good fun all around ; )
DS: Sounds like the screenplay for a Chevy Chase movie!
G-man: Yep, that's pretty much the story of my life.
DS: Maybe Owen Wilson can play you in the movie.
G-man: Yeah, like from Dumb & Dumber. Now that's just too funny.
DS: I was thinking of Meet the Parents and Meet the Fockers, but.....
G-man: My favorite part was when I waived to DA from the p-way when I boarded the plane, while she remained corralled behind the fence with the rest of the cattle.
DA: yeah, that was my favorite part too. G-man was sucking up to another Navy guy so he could get on the plane faster. Don't trust G-man, he'll leave ya in the dirt if he can.
G-man: Well, my conversation with a fellow shipmate worked, didn't it? I hadn't seen that guy in 25 years, since OCS, which used to be in Newport, Rhode Island. While you were moo-ing behind the fence, I was taking advantage of the opportunity to board early, afforded to almost everyone else besides ourselves, and that was the only way I could think of to get my trusty, wheeled suitcase (which served you well this trip) into the overhead compartment, so I wouldn't complain too loudly (although the look on your face was priceless when I was waiving goodbye :)
DA: It is true, G-man was the baggage handler for the entire trip. I guess that was worth early boarding.
G-man: And, to cap it all off, the car service did not arrive until after a full half-hour had passed. They of course sent my driver to the wrong terminal. He blamed it on the office, but your driver was there waiting for you, so once again, I guess you win.
Poor qualities were numerous:
He was quiet appologetic, and not the least bit surprised we were leaving. In fact, he sounded a bit lonesome and disappointed. There's nothing worse than travelling for most of the day and arriving in a shithole. So, I called the travel service, who booked us in another hotel, named the Monaco. The agent told me it was a mere 3 minute walk from the Blake.
We walked about 20 blocks in twenty minutes, and I got bird shit on my shirt collar.
Finally, we arrived, finding the Hotel Monaco to be very nice. They had free wine in the lobby. Kool suites. A sanctuary. Perhaps the bird shit was a harbinger. Little did I know that the third bad thing had already happened. We checked out so fast from the Blake that I forgot my drawers were still in a drawer. I walked round trip 40 minutes to go get them and come back. But not until I polished off a huge burger and a pint of pistachio ice cream.
DA: that's suppose to be good luck.
G-man (remembering this): I don't think so. Bad things happen in threes, so watch out.
Senior Partner: Apparently version 3 of the document does not contain many of the changed I made over the weekend. DS (a female litigating partner, whose first name starts with the same letter as the senior associate, DA) will work on getting those changes into the system tomorrow morning. The so revised brief will be sent to everyone then.
DS: Me [insert DS's first name here]?!
G-man, wisely leaving the senior partner out, but not the litigating partner: Me Tarzan, you Jane.
DS: There are not enough Advils in the City for me to deal with [the senior partner's] document creation/revision methods!!
DA: No, he means me, DS.
DS: I'm taking Chitah and going back to the jungle!
DA: I'm going with you.
DS: No you aren't dammit; there's not enough room in the tree house!
DA: You're not implying that I'm spacially challenged, are you? P.S. I'll bring wine.
DS: Spacially challenged? No, not at all. It's that I don't want to share Tarzan. BUT if you'll bring the wine, I may reconsider (as long as you don't fall out of the tree house!).
XO: Lieutenant G-man, did you see Humpty and Dumpty come back here?
G-man: No sir XO.
XO: Very well, carry on.
Uncle Smelly: I don't want to drive at night in the rain.
G-man: But you live in NJ.
Steppin Bro: You got some cash for me, cause I didn't bring any, and I don't have my cash card?
G-man: Sure, however much you need -- you can pay me back later.
Steppin Bro: Oh, I forgot. I got to take care of the kids.
So I ended up playing 2/4 Texas hold'em. I lost $50 before I learned that, unlike no-limit, you can't bullshit your way out of a bad hand.
Bluto: I not going there all dressed up in this monkey suit.
G-man: But you can get anything you want here, even new clothes.
Bluto: Yeah, but Steppin Bro will make me drive.